Tips for Raising Daughters Part 1 of 3

Wednesday, 20 September 2023
Written by Wayne Alcorn

Confession. I’m clueless when it comes to raising daughters. We only had sons. Until recently, even our grandchildren were all males. When I spoke to a number of fathers regarding this project, they felt that it would be important to address this subject. So I asked three remarkable dads; all of whom have raised confident, healthy, mature young women. Some of them are now married. Some are already mothers themselves.

Four Tips from Mitchell

Tip one

As they are growing, give your daughters increasing freedom of choice in keeping with their rate of maturing - neither too much too soon nor too little too late.

This enables them to develop confidence and independence. If you get this wrong, especially through the teen years, apologise and talk it through with them.

Don't allow problems to destroy your relationship. This effort has paid off for me as my daughters are now both independent and confident women, and we enjoy a wonderful relationship.

Tip two

Model for your daughters the character and behaviour that you hope they will seek and find in their husbands. Model how Christ-like masculinity looks in action, such as humility, putting others first, respecting women, and being strong yet kind.  

This raises women who aren't impressed or drawn to toxic secular masculinity. I would take each of my daughters on a 'Daddy Date Night' so that they would not settle for less than being treated with dignity and respect by prospective partners. I am so pleased with the choice of husband both my daughters have made.

Tip three

Love and respect their mother. Honouring her for the unique and valuable person she is, both with your behaviour and words, will help to develop the same sense of personhood in your daughters. More generally, honouring and valuing women in all spheres of your life.

Let your daughters see how you treat the women in your world, from those in your family and friendship circle, those who you work with through to casual interactions with the cashier at the grocery store. Let your daughters see you treat them all with equal respect and kindness. This sends  the message that, as a woman, your daughters too are important and deserve a valued place in the world. I couldn't be more proud of the amazingly capable women of faith and character my daughters have become - women who carry themselves with both humility and self-respect.

Tip four

If you have more than one daughter, appreciate that they are very different. Do your best to understand their unique strengths and gifts. Call those out in them through encouragement and affirmation. Seek to provide opportunities for those gifts to be developed.  

Learn their unique ‘love language’ (acts of service, gift giving, physical touch, quality time or words of affirmation) and use them regularly. Never compare them to each other. This will enable them to grow fully and confidently into their own identity and to pursue careers and interests best suited to them. I love and enjoy both the similarities and the differences in my two daughters. And they have learned to love and respect them in each other as well.