Tips for Raising Daughters Part 2 of 3

Tuesday, 3 October 2023
Written by Wayne Alcorn

Confession. I’m clueless when it comes to raising daughters. We only had sons. Until recently, even our grandchildren were all males. When I spoke to a number of fathers regarding this project, they felt that it would be important to address this subject. So I asked three remarkable dads; all of whom have raised confident, healthy, mature young women. Some of them are now married. Some are already mothers themselves.

Three unanswered Questions - Joel

There are three unanswered questions lurking in the heart of every young woman that must be satisfied. Do I matter? Am I safe? Am I beautiful?

The heart of a young girl is so in need of the answers to these questions that they will go to extraordinary lengths to get them solved.

Do I matter?

“You’re worth it” is a sentiment traded upon by powerful corporate cosmetic giants.  A father’s priorities are seldom questioned in the heart of a young girl. They are just accepted. This is what matters. This is where value lies.

The father is in a unique position to show value. The fact that he would alter his schedule for her well-being, tells her that she is a priority in his world - beyond professional success or the pursuit of wealth, communicates that she is valuable…and she matters. This sense of value becomes a platform that gives strength to every decision and direction she may take in her life.

Am I safe?

Physical touch communicates to a girl that she is safe or in danger. Strong healthy touch offers affection, warmth and boundaries. It’s so important for every young girl to feel that she is secure in this big scary world. The more she has healthy and positive contact, the safer and stronger she can feel; indeed the more security she will have in life. Physical touch is so powerful. If her quota isn’t filled in an environment of complete safety, then out of an internal need to feel safe she may open herself up to physical touch that promises safety but leaves her feeling vulnerable and alone.

Am I beautiful?

Ultimately physical beauty is a currency in this world, and in the heart of every little girl, she wants to know that she’s beautiful. She’s prepared to trade, to get the answer to that question.

This, unfortunately means she is susceptible to inadvertently give away part of her heart, and results in her losing a certain dimension of confidence and of clarity around boundaries.

Fathers are well-placed to answer the “am I beautiful” question and require nothing in return. The power and reach of a father’s words can’t be underestimated. We cannot play this down as a superficial and unimportant. It is imperative.